Remove the Ego and Avidya (Ignorance) is gone. Look for it, the ego vanishes and the real Self alone remains.

All unhappiness is due to the ego. With it comes all your trouble. If you would deny the ego and scorch it by ignoring it you would be free

– Ramana Maharshi

After putting out the intention to write about the yogic concept of the kleshas in my last blog post, I chuckled to read a comment that my cousin Carol Mc Cadden Rau wrote on Blog’s FaceBook Post – “Ego is not your amigo.”

Then my ego promptly got in the way and my muse dried up. Did I really even understand the concept of ego well enough to write about it? What does ego really mean in the context of suffering? As a woman who has struggled with self-esteem issues, why would I want my ego to vanish?

I thought and thought about how to approach this subject and realized, I really didn’t know much so I thought some more. In the meantime, I went for a retreat to Montana and spent a lot of time practicing restorative yoga and being still. I did some navel gazing, too.

I still may not be qualified to talk about the ego in the context of yoga philosophy, but here are some things that came to the surface this past month.

• My ego is what drove me to excel in life – whether it was achievement in the business world or being liked by family and friends. Sometimes, the actions which I thought would achieve these outcomes were not in my best interest for a balanced mind, body, spirit.
• I need stillness and alone time, to connect to what’s important to my inner Self that comes from a place of Love. I think this is a concept that many spiritual seekers talk about.
• When I come from that place of Love, as it speaks to me, I may not be have “the answer” or be “in control”, but I do suffer less.

So what does this mean from the standpoint of the kleshas? For me, it helps to challenge myself about my perception of the world. Am I seeing things through the veil of ignorance that clouds my “Ego’s” point of view, or am I trying to perceive situations from a place of Love? Are my intentions and actions coming from a place of acceptance and non-judgment? That last bit, is really hard for me, especially when you consider all of the annoyances and really bad stuff that can happen in life.

Even as I write this, my Ego is telling me I’m crazy to put this reflection out there. I’m not sure what drives me to do this. I suppose on this day of all days, September 11th, – eighteen years after the horrific events of 9/11 – I felt compelled to connect to the world from a place of Love. The pain of loss and horror is still embedded in our memories. Sometimes, in the face, of unexplainable hate, we need to tap into our inner Self, that knows there are examples of Love in the world. We have all heard stories of those heroes who came to the aid of 9/11 victims. These are beings who have connected from a place of Love.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. In the meantime, I wish you connection to your own Stillness and Love.

For a variety of reasons, I’ve been contemplating archetypes – especially those about aging.  This post is about some of this reflection:

Once upon a time, I thought winter would bundle me in purple, like the lady who would wear purple when she was old.  Old, though, is always just a few years more than your current age.   On the first snow of the season, I paused to think about my life and future.  Who should appear at the back pond’s edge but the Great Blue Heron, bundled in her grey blue plumage hunched to hold her stance against the brutal wind.

This was the first time, I had observed the Heron in the snow.  She may have been there before many times, but this is the first I  noticed her.  The first time I really saw her was on a Spring day a few years before.   Over the years, she appears at interesting times in my life.   She presented herself so often that I began to note her character.  A few weeks ago, I wrote this short poem and realized, purple is a lovely color to wear whether you are old or not, but as I grow older,  I wish to cultivate the character of the majestic heron! Continue reading

When despair in the world grows in me…I go and lie down where…the great heron feeds.  I come to the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought or grief…For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free. – Wendell Berry

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