coping | Denyse LeFever

Lifestyle Musings Stress Reduction Yoga

I Am Not My Ego

Remove the Ego and Avidya (Ignorance) is gone. Look for it, the ego vanishes and the real Self alone remains.

All unhappiness is due to the ego. With it comes all your trouble. If you would deny the ego and scorch it by ignoring it you would be free

– Ramana Maharshi

September 11, 2019

Written by: Denyse Le Fever

Lifestyle Musings Stress Reduction Yoga

Anatomy is a story told with a sharp instrument – whether it’s a scalpel or our discerning consciousness. Yoga helps us experience the interconnected unity of our bodies, and dispels the illusion that our body is made up of parts.

– Leslie Kaminoff (quote used with permission)

Note: This is Blog #3 of a series for Diabetes Awareness Month (See Blog #1 & Blog #2 for previous posts)

In previous posts on this blog site, I have revealed that my deeper study of Yoga was coincident with my Type II Diabetes diagnosis over 10 years ago. Yoga first entered my life in my teens, when I was searching for calm and meaning. In my 20s, as I began a busy career, yoga practices which integrated mind, body and spirit took a back seat. My lifestyle favored habits that focused on actioned oriented priorities related to work life. I compartmentalized different parts of my life. My mental/cognitive existence was front and center. Physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of myself were reserved for non-working hours which, over time, were fewer and fewer.

November 14, 2018

Written by: Denyse Le Fever

Musings Stress Reduction

This, Too, Shall Pass

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…far from representing death, the symbolism of mourning doves gives us optimism with its spirituality. Beyond their sorrowful song is a message of life, hope, renewal and peace.

– Author unknown, mourning dove symbolism found in an internet search

July 15, 2018

Written by: Denyse Le Fever

Musings

Counsel from the Inner Teacher

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Today’s blog post, like last week’s, is inspired by my husband’s recent heart surgery. I submitted this piece as my second assignment in Martha Beck’s Write into Light course. We were asked describe an uncertain period in life where we received guidance, either externally or internally that helped us cope with uncertainty. Here’s my story, in 500 words or less:

“Love is stronger than death
even though it can’t stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries, it can’t separate people from love.”

– Author unknown

“Denyse, Denyse, no you can’t see me, but when you pause between your inhale and your exhale, you can hear me, feel me. You know I am here, you know I speak the Truth. Wake up! Ignore the beeping sounds! Ignore the bags of liquid draining into his arm! Ease the worry lines casting doubt on your face! Just hold his hand and feel your connection. You know that, too, is true.”

It’s day 25 in the ICU. My husband will have the ventilator tube removed. I wonder who will wake up from this medically induced rest. Will I have the strength to bolster him through the long recovery? “Denyse, stop thinking. Breathe, all will be as it shall be.” The feeling voice returned.

Where did this faith come from? How did this whispered knowing bring me hope when medical staff could only offer conflicting cryptic messages of uncertainty. I’m not normally a “believing” person.

After my daily hospital vigil, the feeling or the voice would enter my Being, a pause between wakefulness and sleep. It calmed the unmentionable doubts that could bring tears of fear about an emptier life should he not come home. It bolstered me, prepped me for surviving an unknown outcome. It also spoke to me like a voice from Charles Dickens’ Christmas future. “Pay attention or you may face a similar fate.”

The first words my husband rasped to me were: “I think, I’ve been here long enough, you gotta get me outta here.” Somehow, I found the courage to tell him that wasn’t going to happen. There was still much healing to be done. When he got impatient and pissed, I knew he was still there. My heart leapt with hope, but I could tell things were not quite right, yet.

“Leave for now, Denyse but keep coming back.” The feeling voice jumped in. “His anger means he can heal. He knows he wants to go home.”

It would be another month before he would come home. Daily, the feeling voice counseled me on the right course of action. I learned to trust it. Not to keep breathing through it in dismissal, but pausing to see what it had to say. I allowed its wisdom to sing me to sleep on evenings when sleep seemed impossible. It helped me know what to say to my husband in times when I had no clue what to say or do. It helped me be kind to myself during the times that I screwed up. It made me fully appreciate this life, my health, my husband’s tenacity and ability to heal, my time with my husband and those I love.

I don’t know what the future holds, but the feeling voice taught me to pause and listen deeply.

May 16, 2018

Written by: Denyse Le Fever